Utah crop circles exposed as a hoax

State science and religious leaders were clashing heads last week over the emergence “patterns of significance” found in rural Utah. What seemed spontaneous at first were sightings of strange geometrical depressions within the soil of the area. “Amazing, simply amazing. We are witnessing an extraordinary phenomenon. If you take measurements of the depressions, you will see that they are perfectly symmetrical and evenly spaced. It just does not seem likely that these indentions were made by man or woman. I truly believe we are looking at a legitimate 'crop circle' design.” said Dr. McFeely, a professor of astrophysics at the University of Utah. Dr. McFeely seems to be an authority of such things, having wrote award winning books on extra-terrestrials and their visits to earth titled; “There is a probe in there” (dealing with alien abductions), “Trying to phone home” (forms of alien contact through the ages) and “Does this look infected to you?” (a book studying what Dr. McFeely believes are results close encounters of the personal kind with aliens).
“I can honestly say that this is the communication we have been looking for. This could be a schematic of a cure for cancer, or new efficient fuel or even a way to live longer. All we have to do is mathematically break the code,” Dr. McFeely concluded hopefully.

A pilgrimage ensued to the site location and with that, brought hopes and theories from other sects of thinkers. The religious communities had their representatives on hand to look over the anomaly and give their opinion on its emergence. Both Monsignor Paddy O’Riely of the local Catholic movement and Bishop John Smith of the Mormon sect were on hand and had this to say; “As representatives of our respective religions, both Monsignor O’Riely and myself realize that this has the makings of a joke with a priest, a Mormon and scientist walking into an excavation site, but I assure you one thing. God is not laughing.” Monsignor O’Riely added, “Despite our different dogmas, we can agree that both of us feel strongly that this is a sign from above.” When asked why the Scientologist representative was denied access to the site, Bishop Smith abruptly interrupted with the answer, “Well anyone who follows a religion that bases their beliefs solely off of the ranting of a crazy man, that cannot produce any proof to what he professes to be the correct doctrine, is not qualified to rule on any religious findings.”

Unfortunately, the alleged “crop design” was exposed as a hoax when further investigation showed that it was not a message from the stars or heaven but a cry for help. Both camps admitted disappointment, but Dr. McFeely regained a new hope in an after thought stating, “I honestly do feel that this might be a message from either an abandoned E.T. or perhaps a former abduction subject wanting to go back. I guess we will never know who wrote it. But it does make for another interesting book possibility.”

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