Neighbor's dog to keep humping your leg, crapping on your lawn

Thoreau, the pretentiously named mixed breed who lives next door, has renewed his vow to leave droppings at random places on your lawn and hump your leg whenever you walk to your car or mailbox.
Neighbors curse at him, paper boys throw rocks at him when he's alone, and some even browse online prices of cattle prods. None of this seems to deter the little guy.

Feisty little Thoreau, half-shitzu, half-pit bull, half-pug, half-hell hound, is also planning on running into your house whenever he gets the chance to wreak havoc on your new leather couches and terrorize your small children. When he learned about the early-morning meeting you have tomorrow morning he promised bark for intermittent ten minute spans until at least 3:30 a.m.

He also wanted you to know that the three times you called the newspaper offices last month to complain about your paper boy were misdirected anger. He's surprised that you didn't notice the bits of stories about nuclear waste, the Pope and NBA box scores in his crap that you have to pick up with a plastic baggy because his owner, Jim and Karen, are lazy, irresponsible people.

So just give it up. Don't yell at or harass him any longer. Because if you do, he has a plan to pee on each of your car's tires.

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