Polygamy done right

by S. S. Smith

With all the fuss lately over the FLDS compound in Texas, it’s easy to see why polygamy has a bad name. Young girls were victimized and brainwashed, which ought not be tolerated. Sadly, the actions of a few men have tainted a wonderful thing. The reality of the matter is that polygamy can be a wonderful way of living, if it’s done the right way.

Between the arrest of sect leader Warren Jeffs and the latest raid in Texas, the FLDS community has had a lot of exposure. Unfortunately, the monogamous world seems to think that all polygamists are like those in the news. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true.

I have been a practicing polygamist for 17 years and not once have any of my wives worn those poofy-shouldered dresses. My wives are happy, productive members of society and I would challenge anyone to pick them out of a crowd. With that said, polygamy is not easy. It has taken me a long time to find the right balance, but I have, and I'd like to share what I've learned.

First off, your wives can’t know about each other. This is where the FLDS first got into trouble. I learned long ago that if I wanted to be a happy polygamist, I would have to work as a long haul trucker moving from town to town. I have one in every port you might say.

Second, never call a wife by her name, you might get mixed up. Heck, I have one wife whose name I don’t even know for sure. I call them all the same thing: sweety-pie.

Third, vasectomy.

Fourth, don’t be afraid of divorce. Sure you might lose a wife every now and then, but polygamy is about quantity, not quality. You can always find a new one. Finally, lie like your life depended on it, because it does. Keep your wives happy, tell them whatever they need to hear and make up for your short comings with flowers.

I’ll admit, lots of wives takes lots of work, but for a guy like me who believes in the sanctity of marriage but still likes to have oodles of sex with lots of different women, polygamy is the answer. So please, next time you feel like bashing on polygamy, just remember: hate the player, not the game.

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