Thursday, May 8, 2008

Gingers: The forgotten minority

Race. Religion. Ethnicity. These are all common reasons that people discriminate or are exclusionary. But these categories leave out a fairly common feature among humans that is belittled just has harshly by society: red-heads, also known as gingers.

In this piece we explore what a ginger is, how to understand these pale strangers who roam the planet in loneliness and how to best learn to include, if not even love, the gingers you encounter in life.

What is a ginger, you ask? You know them and discriminate against them even if you don't realize it. They are in your family, your workplace. They live next door and some may even clean your house for less than minimum wage.

You can recognize a ginger by their hair - some variation of the color red, their freckled pale skin that brings to mind cave-dwelling monsters who never see the light of day. They can be seen skulking from shadow to shadow, avoiding the rays of the sun that threaten to burn their sickly epidermis. When you hug a ginger, you may notice something different, slightly off-putting - but we'll get to that later.

Gingers are a segment of society that cannot be avoided. There are levels of gingericity. The most sever kind of ginger is the Irish-descended red-head. Known for their conniving ways and volcanic tempers, these gingers should be treated delicately. The Scot ginger comes next on the scale, slightly more grounded, yet completely unpredictable in communication. They are likely to string together an astounding series of curses and expletives that would make Don Rickles blush. Other variations are generally more mellow (for a ginger) and trustworthy, but always beware when dealing with any red-headed freak, as they can turn on you with the drop of a hat.

A common misconception of ginger folk is that they are inherently evil. This is simply not true. Yes, they may have tendencies that border or the violent psychotic side of the emotional spectrum, but gingers can often be taught to behave admirably among their fellow humans when threats and fear are used properly.

However, scientific tests have confirmed the widespread belief that gingers have no souls. This is a fact that all gingers must reconcile themselves with at some point if they are to properly acclimate to societal norms. This does not mean gingers are incapable of love, in fact they are some of the most passionate people around. It has been said that a night with a ginger will cure impotence and sterility.

Remember these new revelations regarding our fearful freckled friends next time you claim you are tempted to scream, "Go back to the motherland!" out of a moving vehicle at a group of gingers huddled in a littered ally. They may be scary, strange and soulless, but they too are humans.

Next time in "Gingers: The Forgotten Minority": Dating A Ginger:

Gingers generally work best in relationships with non-gingers. There are theories arguing that gingers can earn their souls when they learn to truly love "normies," but these are thus far unsubstantiated.

Race. Religion. Ethnicity. These are all common reasons that people discriminate or are exclusionary. But these categories leave out a fairly common feature among humans that is belittled just has harshly by society: red-heads, also known as gingers.

In this piece we explore what a ginger is, how to understand these pale strangers who roam the planet in loneliness and how to best learn to include, if not even love, the gingers you encounter in life.

What is a ginger, you ask? You know them and discriminate against them even if you don't realize it. They are in your family, your workplace. They live next door and some may even clean your house for less than minimum wage.

You can recognize a ginger by their hair - some variation of the color red, their freckled pale skin that brings to mind cave-dwelling monsters who never see the light of day. They can be seen skulking from shadow to shadow, avoiding the rays of the sun that threaten to burn their sickly epidermis. When you hug a ginger, you may notice something different, slightly off-putting - but we'll get to that later.

Gingers are a segment of society that cannot be avoided. There are levels of gingericity. The most sever kind of ginger is the Irish-descended red-head. Known for their conniving ways and volcanic tempers, these gingers should be treated delicately. The Scot ginger comes next on the scale, slightly more grounded, yet completely unpredictable in communication. They are likely to string together an astounding series of curses and expletives that would make Don Rickles blush. Other variations are generally more mellow (for a ginger) and trustworthy, but always beware when dealing with any red-headed freak, as they can turn on you with the drop of a hat.

A common misconception of ginger folk is that they are inherently evil. This is simply not true. Yes, they may have tendencies that border or the violent psychotic side of the emotional spectrum, but gingers can often be taught to behave admirably among their fellow humans when threats and fear are used properly.

However, scientific tests have confirmed the widespread belief that gingers have no souls. This is a fact that all gingers must reconcile themselves with at some point if they are to properly acclimate to societal norms. This does not mean gingers are incapable of love, in fact they are some of the most passionate people around. It has been said that a night with a ginger will cure impotence and sterility.

Remember these new revelations regarding our fearful freckled friends next time you claim you are tempted to scream, "Go back to the motherland!" out of a moving vehicle at a group of gingers huddled in a littered ally. They may be scary, strange and soulless, but they too are humans.

Next time in "Gingers: The Forgotten Minority": Dating A Ginger:

Gingers generally work best in relationships with non-gingers. There are theories arguing that gingers can earn their souls when they learn to truly love "normies," but these are thus far unsubstantiated.

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