Las Vegas loses title of 'Sin City' to West Jordan

It turns out that tourists heading to Las Vegas in search of a riotous and ‘sinful’ vacation may actually find better luck in Nevada’s eastern neighbor. Las Vegas, who for decades had been regarded in both media and pop culture as the original “Sin City,” lost the title during the weekend to West Jordan, Utah. The move to strip the title from Las Vegas and award it to West Jordan was made in a unanimous vote by the Intermountain Bureau of Tourism and Travel.

Reactions to Las Vegas’ loss of the iconic title that had originally made it famous were decidedly mixed. Said Bruce Woodbury, a Clark County Commissioner and member of the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, “We have no one to blame but ourselves. We’ve become sloppy. West Jordan had a phenomenal year in terms of prostitution, drug use and an overall degradation of community morals.” Woodbury would not comment on specific plans to increase the dropping levels of debauchery in Las Vegas.

Not everyone was dismayed by the surprising bestowment of “Sin City” on West Jordan. Several visitors to a West Jordan brothel, who did not wish to be identified, commented that the city’s dedication to proving to the world what a craphole West Jordan had become was undoubtedly successful. “It’s nice to know that the years I spent snorting cocaine off the chest of a whore weren’t in vain,” stated John Doe.

Local politicians were especially pleased with the new title. “I have to admit, I never would have thought that our humble city would receive the title of “Sin City” when compared to Las Vegas,” commented West Jordan mayor David Newton. “The citizens of West Jordan really pulled it off during this competitive tourism season, and proved that anything can be accomplished when working together,” continued the mayor while being sucked off by a woman who wasn’t his wife.

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Idaho can't find identity, petitions federal government to become 'North Utah'

Frustrated with being known only for its potatoes, Idaho recently gave up its "Free Taters for Out of Staters" moniker in search of something more marketable.

"People weren't willing to come to our state just to eat potatoes," said Governor "Butch" Otter. "We needed something sexier."

According to the governor, something sexier comes in the form of their neighbor to the south: Utah.

"Utah has great skiing and outdoor activities," Otter said. "Naturally, we'd like to piggyback on that."

Before settling on Utah, Idaho explored several other options including, "West Montana" and "Northeast Nevada." They also tried an entirely different approach by entertaining the idea of sponsorships.

"We were very open to the idea of a corporate sponsorships," said Otter. "We were about to sign a deal with Frito Lay to become the Rold Gold Pretzel state. Unfortunately our request was denied by the Federal government. Naturally, we were disappointed."

After numerous appeals and millions of taxpayer dollars spent on legal fees, state leaders decided to withdraw their request and focus on following the example of states like the Dakotas, Virginias and the Carolinas.

At the moment, their petition to change their name to North Utah has been held up by the powers that be.

When asked if he would consider changing the name of his state to South Utah, Utah Governor John Huntsman replied, "No."

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